Abhya-Gleaming Ink

Hurt: Don’t fall back to someone who has hurt you

Are you someone who bounces back with the cracks in your heart to the person who gave you those? Does all your anger thaw when you hear a single sweet word from a person who shattered your heart? Do you become oblivious of the trauma and hurt you went through because of that person when you see them? Do you simply forget about every moment of derision when they pour in words dipped in honey? If this is the case, then you need to flip your condition. This attitude is extremely venomous for you. You won’t realize, but by doing so you are ill-treating yourself. In this way, you are depriving yourself of the respect and love you deserve. You need to bolster your self-respect and magnify the love you have for yourself. 

“Forgive them but don’t submit yourself to them”

-Abhya pandey

I know I have left in you in a maze of mind muddling thoughts, but this is simply about respect and love for yourself. Firstly, I want to elucidate that I am a firm believer in forgiving others. I strongly feel that one should never lag from forgiving people and we all are human beings. It’s a deed of magnanimity. I want to convey that forgive them if they are sorry for their faults and they own their mistakes but don’t surrender yourself to their words. Be cautious while stitching your relationship with them, it might prick you. The person who has hurt you once can hurt you twice. You need to take your steps at a gradual pace while believing them.

“Forgive but don’t forget”

-ABHYA PANDEY

We have a tendency that if a person says sorry to us, we forgive and forget what happened. It’s better if you expunge small issues from your mind but this doesn’t apply to the elephantine amount of pain given to you by someone. Our problem lies in showing cent percent trust to the person who has hurt us for a lifetime. If they genuinely feel guilty, pardon them but don’t surrender yourself to them killing your self-respect. Another aspect is that their genuine sounding sugary words might be an act of sycophancy, they might have some motive of returning. If this is the reason of them returning into your life then in no time you will sink deeper in this quagmire of shallow words and boundless hurt.

Why do we allow ourselves to be a slave of the person who turned our world upside down? 

  • At one point in time, we loved and trusted that person immensely
  • Probably now also there is some amount of love for them which resides in our heart
  • We are not able to cope up with the vacuum created by them and we feel that if we let them back we can fix it
  • When it comes to self-respect, it has been overshadowed by our affection for them
  • We don’t love ourselves enough
  • This dearth of self-love leads to the constant need of someone in our life

What should we do?

  • Forgive but be strong not to submit ourselves to someone who has hurt us
  • Love yourself and learn to be happy with yourself
  • Firstly learn to respect yourself then only expect others to respect you
  • Be careful while trusting someone who has hurt you in past
  • Be good to them but don’t get swayed with their words
  • Let them in but don’t let them take over your mind

So, learn to love yourself, then only you can handle other relations in the right way. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Forgive people but don’t let them control you in any way. Love yourself enough so that you don’t open the door of your life for the wrong beings.

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How does a depressed person look like?

How is the face of a depressed person is? What sort of behavior a person who is going through depression portray? Who led them to be this way? What were there conditions that catalyzed them into being depressed? I know what most of you will answer. A major chunk of us has a set perception regarding the behavior and condition of a person who is depressed. We envisage them as someone with a constant frown, someone who has abandoned the worldly life. Well, the majority of us imagine a depressed person to be lamenting round the clock. We picture them to be the ones living in seclusion, cut off from the entire world. It’s our visualization that tells us that there must be something extremely negative in this person’s life or someone else must have wronged them which made them slip into depression. To be honest, your imaginations lied to you. Whatever you have thought is partially true.

“Depression has no face, a person with a mellifluous smile can be suffering from within”

-abhya pandey

 Being more precise, this commonly thought perception doesn’t apply to every depressed person. Depression is far more intricate than you can imagine. We often confuse “Depression” with “Sadness”. It is not merely sadness. It is a mental disease and it needs to be treated by a professional. Additionally, to help someone around, as I always say we can be kind, understanding, non-judgmental, and most importantly listen to them. Let me elucidate it to you the actual condition by underlining a few things about depression:

  • Depression is a disease which needs a proper treatment
  • It can inflict anyone around the universe
  • The one who is successful, rich, a person with an amazing family and friends has can be equally depressed as the one who is lonely and is not doing great in life
  • Nutritional and hormonal factors also contribute to depression
  • Not every depressed person sobs, a person with the perkiest persona might be depressed
  • A person who seems to have a perfect life and looks jovial can be depressed
  • A depressed person has no set characteristics, they might laugh, cry, smile, have friends, and perfect family, socialize, party, or be lonely

One of the most common comments that I heard whenever I tried to speak about any sort of mental issue in past is you are smiling, you don’t seem depressed. Which explains that we still have lots to understand about depression or any sort of mental issue. So, please understand that depression is a serious disease and you can help someone by merely being kind. Don’t judge them, let them speak. Also from now on if someone confides in you saying that they feel depressed, don’t assume that they are just sad or they have a perfect life so they can’t be depressed. Be kind, don’t judge them!

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Emotional Independence: You complete yourself

Are you someone who always craves for a company? Do you constantly feel the need to have some other person around to make you happy? A close kinship with someone is a must for you? You are someone who feels lonely in your company. Do you? Does your merriment depend on someone else? Do you always feel lonely? Is there a void in you? If yes, then you are headed in the wrong direction. The bad news is that you are entirely dependent on someone else but the good news is it’s never too late. Just learn to be “emotionally independent”. Let’s talk about emotional independence.

What is emotional independence? It is feeling whole in yourself. When your joy, sorrow, anger, and any other emotion for that matter depends only on you. I know my words have baffled you and you must be intrigued that how is this possible. I am not talking about the “additional” happiness that you derive from your friends, family, or socializing. When you completely surrender every emotion of yours to the second person, that is where your fault lies. A void has made an abode in you. It needs to be understood that your happiness should be yours, it shouldn’t change because of someone. Only you are a constant in your life, rest everyone and everything is ephemeral. No doubt family and companions help, but you shouldn’t mold your emotions according to them. You should be your priority.

“Tame yourself to be merry with yourself, rest everything will fall lambently in place.”

-Abhya pandey

Story:

I have always been a home person, the one who is an introvert.I always used to feel lonely and was emotional. Slightest of their actions that were unpleasant or might be pleasant to me of the other person whether it be my family or pals used to rush my pulse. I would would go maudlin, be overwhelmed, extremely irked, or furious within the fraction of seconds because of them. I was in constant need to talk to someone. If I reminisce of that time, I could go to any lengths even if it was wrong just to make that person stay even if that person acted as venom to me.

Why was I like that? The simple answer is I never gave priority to myself. It was because my happiness relied on someone else. I used to laud my close ones for their achievements but failed to pat my back when needed. Learn to clap for yourself, you are sufficient. I learned to not make anyone else my priority. My experiences taught me to detach the dependence of my emotions from someone else.

“No one should have the power to be a compass to your emotions”

-abhya pandey

Emotional independence is a strength that will prevent you from breaking into shards. Few things to etch in your mind:

  • You complete yourself, no one else is needed
  • Saviour! that you can be for yourself
  • First, learn to applaud yourself, every other admiration is secondary
  • Your hands are enough to catch you from tumbling
  • That smile should come from within not because of someone else. It is a bonus if someone else does that for you
  • You are never alone, you have you

So, be emotionally independent, stop depending on someone else. It won’t do you any good. That happiness which is derived from others is fleeting. Permanent is the one that you experience due to yourself.

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Dating: Are you just after a trend or actually ready?

You must have read the topic, if the question above has somehow compelled your mind to think, then you are on the right page. This particular talk is for people in general who feel that there is a kind of vacuum in their life as they are not in a relationship or dating someone.I have observed a myriad of people around me and one thing that I have noticed is that there are plenty of them who feel incomplete without a partner and another chunk of people just want to date because they see other people dating and they feel that they are not advance enough.

Though there are a lot of other reasons too why people crave for a romantic partner. Some beings date for the right reasons and are actually ready for it. Which is a good thing to do as it is definitely one of the integral aspects of our lives. But today I am going to focus on two of the most unreasonable, reasons due to which lures us to come into a dating relationship.

Which are,

  • Firstly, we are so much after following this trend of dating. Given the competitive nature of this modern era, We don’t wanna lag behind others in this field too. You know, we feel if we are single, we are old fashioned or not trendy enough. We want to be in vogue. But is it the right approach? An elephantine no, one should date only if they are ready to. It has become easier to be in touch with people these days due to social media, dating apps, and the liberal nature of our society. This is a great thing, but we should leverage it by using these things wisely. Dating is not a trend to follow, you date someone for yourself. Never Date if you just want to do it for the sake of doing as it is a serious part of your life.

Story 1:

I remember once I was speaking to an acquaintance of mine and she was whining about being single. I asked her a simple question, why do you wanna date? After a few minutes of stuttering, she said, all my friends are committed and I feel so uncool and like an outcast. 

It is not only about her as she epitomizes the kind of thinking the majority of us have when it comes to dating.

  • Secondly, we want to fill some kind of vacuum in our life by being in a relationship. We might be successful in doing so. But is it the right approach, no, it’s toxic in the long term. We have to be emotionally independent because it is healthy for ourselves and also our potential partner. We shouldn’t be dependent on others to feel complete emotionally. We can contribute to a relationship healthily only if we feel content in ourselves.

” We are fully equipped in ourselves, we just choose to live in oblivion”

-ABHYA PANDEY

Story 2:

If I rewind a few months, I was lamenting in front of my mom about being single. After a few hours of deep conversation with her I realized, I was just feeling low and am not ready for it. After that, I started focusing on my self. Trust me I love spending time with myself and I feel whole in myself. I have landed to a realization that we all are self- sufficient, it’s just that we don’t explore our capabilities. If we choose to live in oblivion, a vacuum will definitely reside in us.

So date only if you are ready for it in every way. It shouldn’t be to compensate for other things in life. It should out of genuine fondness for the other person, mutual love, and care.

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Mismatch: Embrace your flaws, your true self

Why do we hesitate to wear a pair of heels with Pajamas? Have you ever fearlessly worn sneakers with your traditional attire? Do you still hesitate to go out in public without layers of makeup due to your insecurities? Are you scared to show off your cute tummy rolls? Can you walk boldly with a mismatch attire? Do you have a fear of unraveling the unfiltered version of yourself? Yes! most of the people have that inhibition to open the curtains to their true self because they want to fit into the societal standards. They tailor everything about themselves to garner the shallow praises of the world. Kudos! to them for successfully winning people’s fake applauds.

“It’s okay to wear a mismatch attire, but it’s not okay if your true self doesn’t match with what you portray yourself in front of the world”

– Abhya Pandey

My question is, why do we hesitate to show our raw faces to the world? The simple answer is our ceaseless desire to be desired. But, by hiding our true self, we lose ourselves. What actually matters is if we are happy by being the way we are. Nothing else matters, the world will have something to say irrespective of the situation. Be the way you want to be rather than following the rules made by someone. Pave your own way. Never be scared to show off your flaws to the world, make it your strength. Love your self, proudly flaunt your true self in front of everyone.

Remember few things forever:

  • Be comfortable in your own body, don’t follow a certain diet to lose a few pounds because you want people to appreciate you. Lose weight only if you feel so. Do it for yourself
  • No need to hide the scars and blemishes on your face by makeup. We all are human beings, it is natural
  • Don’t compare yourself with others, your personality is beautiful in its own ways
  • Craving for a certain body type? Why? Your body is beautiful the way it is
  • Never be insecure, you are the magician of your life. Turn your flaws into your strengths
  • Do deeds so that you can praise yourself from all your heart
  • Unleash yourself, fly without listening to the others
  • Love yourself

Don’t lose yourself, you are precious. Life is short, make every tick of the clock count by listening to your heart. Wear slippers with that beautiful evening dress if you love to. It is all about you.

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Friends: Who is your actual kin?

There are millions of people on this planet. You come across a lot of people during your precious lifetime and build countless memories with them. But not everyone deserves to be in your thoughts. Merely making memories is not important. What matters is the quality of memories you have with that person, good or bad. The kind of effect that a person has in your life is important. Some of them can be just a stranger, an acquaintance, friend, or a best friend. Let’s talk about friends, have you ever wondered who is your real mate? Who deserves to be near you? If not, then you should start thinking. The kind of people who are close to you form a very crucial part of your life. They have a significant impact on your life in all possible ways.

” You should treasure the person, who is the same with you in your peaks as well in your lows”

– Abhya pandey

If good, then they can save you from all your foes, hold you when you are about to fall, be an ear to listen to you and, the list becomes ceaseless. But, if not, then they become the foes themselves. They can prove to be toxic too. Yes! your choice of friends matters to this extent. Your life is small and extremely precious. The kind of people you let in your life can alter many things. So, I will describe the traits of two common sort of people who are actually close to you to help take you a better decision :

Person 1:

  • Is with you in every moment of merriment
  • Accompanies you at every party and celebration
  • Praises you for your success and is a part of it
  • Though they avoid you in your lows
  • Their words will be superficial
  • They will try to win you with their sweet shallow words
  • Not a part of your struggle
  • Not a good listener to your sorrow
  • Not there for you selflessly
  • They are with you for your success
  • They are actually sycophants
  • In the end, they turn out to be toxic for you

Person 2:

  • They are a part of your struggle
  • With you in your thick and thins
  • Apart from the celebrations, they hold your hand during your fall too
  • They never leave your side
  • They listen to your lamentings even a plethora of times if they have to
  • They have no hidden motives to be with you
  • They will give you the taste of reality rather than being shallow
  • They will love you with your flaws
  • They might fail to laud you for your success, but will never fail to catch you when you fall
  • They are selfless

I will choose person 2. You should also make the right choice. It is in your hands. I know sometimes we might be deceived but we can be careful. Let in people who truly value you.

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Depression: Are you actually there for them?

What do you do when you see someone suffering from depression? What’s your reaction when you see someone sad and lonely? Your instinctive words are “I am there for you”. You console them saying that they are not alone in this and that they have your back. But my point is do you really mean it? And what do you mean when you say you will be by their side? Have you actually tried to dive into the fathoms of their mind and understand their situation? No! In most of the cases, it is all superficial. You get touched by their condition momentarily and you don’t bother to decipher what’s actually behind that depressed soul.

“When you say you are there for them, mean it”

-abhya pandey

The truth is they need you beyond your words. They need to be understood. This depression is far more than sadness. It’s complex and needs to be dealt with intricacy. The ones suffering don’t need your shallow sweet words or a social media post citing how much you support this cause. So, when you see someone inflicted with depression, be with them. Firstly, be a good listener, listen to them over and over again because they need to be heard. It will help in emptying the baggage formed by their suppressed emotions. Don’t judge them, instead understand their condition. Talk positively to them and motivate them. To heal them entirely, you need to be present with your heart and soul with them.

If you actually want to help them, etch these things in your mind:

  • The people who are suffering need someone who can listen to their silence. Be their kin
  • Even if they look fine, they might not be okay. Check up on them
  • They might reiterate their same problem million times, listen to them patiently every single time
  • Motivate them to live life to the fullest
  • Make them realize their self-worth
  • Most importantly don’t judge them because you can never see the world through their eyes
  • Try to mend even the smallest thing in their life because little things matter
  • They have lost faith in everyone. Make them realize the goodness of people around by being good to them
  • Fill their life with positivity
  • It will take some time for them to be healed. Be patient with them
  • Never give up on them

Be with them all along. You are not a doctor but you are a human, you can save someone’s life.

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Veiled: Why are you afraid to show your true self?

I know. I know that it’s not you or if it is you, then not the whole of you. Are you scared to show the world what’s within? Are you scared of being you? Or just intimidated that you might not fit in this perfect world? Many of us are scared of presenting our real selves to others. We just pretend to be one of them to be a part of their herd and be appreciated by them. Moreover, we tailor our life according to their opinions. We filter our thoughts before speaking and step back to speak our hearts out. It’s like the world is the driver of the chariot of our life. The weight of the opinions of society is elephantine, it alters the route we wanna take. It filters our true color.

“Boldly show the true color of your heart, without the filter put by the opinions of this world”

-ABHYA PANDEY

My question is, what really should matter to us, the sycophancy of this superficial world, or our joy. It is very simple, it should always be our happiness. The shallow applauds from others have no value, what’s precious is a true smile on your face after following your heart. Furthermore, I believe that one should always stand out rather than becoming a part of a herd. Be unique, you need not fit in, make people laud your true persona. Opinions and views of others shouldn’t affect the way you wanna lead your life. It shouldn’t stop you from expressing your thoughts.

Just remember a few things:

  • Never edit your words according to the world, you are free to express your views
  • Your happiness comes before anything
  • Speak your heart out
  • Don’t shy away from unraveling your true self
  • Never strive to be perfect, strive to be “your true happy self”
  • Just mute the other voices around, listen to your heart
  • Carry your flaws like a jewel, no one is perfect
  • Love yourself

Don’t hide your true self from the world. Be you!

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Truth: Why do we choose to hide it?

We have always been taught since we held consciousness that lying is a sin, that we should always be truthful. I believe when we were younger we used to abide by it religiously but as we grew up this morale sort off fizzled out with every passing second. What changed through these years? I feel we remain the same, our heart remains the same, our soul as it is, then what alters that we tend to hide the truth when we grow up? Our condition, our Milieu, our heart or is it our mind? To unravel this mystery I would like to narrate a small story from my life.

Story: 

So, I was in the second year of my college and my marks of final tests were declared. I couldn’t score well and decided to hide it from my parents. Not that they would have yelled at me or something, in fact, they have always been supportive whatever the case be. It had nothing to do with my parents, It was a voice from within which was hindering me to tell them the truth. I was too ashamed of myself, I was scared to face reality. 

Then after a month, I told them the truth. Do you know what happened? They were upset with me. Not because of my lesser scores, but because of me hiding the truth. Do you want to know what was I going through during that entire month when I had kept that secret hidden? I always felt as if I am burdened by some imaginary load. I had sleepless nights. But the day I let it out, I felt relaxed. That day my parents told me one thing which I will never forget, “Always face your fear, be strong”.

So, now I will answer that question. What changes when we grow up that we start hiding the truth? The answer is pretty simple when we are kids our mind is not muddled, it follows one path. As we grow up, WE COMPLICATE THINGS. We overthink. We are scared of disappointing ourselves, we are ashamed of failures. As we progress, we learn to escape from reality. It shouldn’t be that way.

” The longer you hide the truth, it aches the more.

The longer you carry the baggage, it hurts the more.”

– Abhya Pandey

Few things to remember:

1) Hiding the truth can hamper your mental peace

2) It is the way to escape from reality

3) Learn to face the reality, only then you will emerge out stronger

4) Lying means complicating things

5) Keep it very simple, live it

6) Never be ashamed of your failures

7) Failures are meant to teach life lessons

8) It is okay to not be flawless

Always be honest with yourself, You can do it! You are strong enough to handle the truth, you need not escape from reality to deal with it. Lying is a sort of escapism. Don’t let that voice from within hinder you to face the situation. The moment you decide to deal with it the way you should, you have already won.

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Imprisoned: Learn to live your life

What according to you epitomizes a satisfying life? Having a fulfilling job, a loving partner, and great friends? Are you actually living your life or you are stuck in the tangles of the worldly things? I believe that most of the people are busy ticking off the things out of their society’s list- the list of the things the society expects them to do. I can witness that they are busy living other people’s dreams instead of sprinkling some life on their dreams. We tighten the noose on our dreams and our life to fit in the category of successful people created by people around us. By doing this, are you actually successful in living your life? I don’t think so. Your life is a success only if you follow your dreams rather than following the herd mentality. Though you are a free bird your life is as good as the one who is incarcerated. You have imprisoned yourself among the ceaseless expectations of your society. This is not living, this is not breathing.

“Don’t impress others, impress yourself”

– abhya pandey

Just once try to unshackle yourself. Just live like a bird. Fulfill what you expect from yourself. Wander if you want to, work if you love to. Chase your dreams rather than working for the sake of doing it. Do what you love to do. Some things to keep in mind:

  • Follow yourself rather than someone else
  • Take up a job only if you love it not because someone wants you to
  • Marry only if you love someone not because you have to
  • Dance, sing, travel, enjoy! because you deserve it
  • Give time to yourself before others
  • Chase happiness rather than numbers
  • If you are happy then only you can make others happy
  • It’s never too late to do anything, you can always restart
  • Cherish the little things
  • It’s okay to be not perfect, no one is

Life is when it is embellished with the moments that truly make you happy. So, follow your dreams, follow your heart. You can make your life beautiful by tailoring it according to your heart. You deserve to be happy.Happiness is following your heart. Before learning other things, learn to live your life. Doing this will lead you to bliss.

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Things to remember to stay away from negativity

Negativity can be toxic. It is a feeling where everything seems negative or it is a negative outlook towards everything, even day feels like night. There can be a plethora of reasons for this persistent negativity. It can be attributed to a massive failure in your life to a small reason for discontent. Negativity can be due to anything depending on your state of mind. It hampers your peace in plenty of ways. Amassed negative thoughts can have varying effects right from momentary gloom to severe depression. It has the full capability to ruin your moment of happiness. If you are always negative, you won’t be able to rejoice your moment of celebration. It can hinder you to think sanely. To live in solace, one should avoid negativity.

” Just a single negative thought can kindle the fire which can burn your mind peace”

– Abhya pandey

There are few things which might help you ward off this negativity:

1) keep yourself busy: Keeping yourself engaged and doing something productive can work as a panacea in this case. Doing this will direct your mind towards the stuff you are doing from the negative thoughts. Rather, if you are busy doing something, work, or leisure activity, it’s less likely that negativity will grip you. I prefer indulging in things I love doing if I am feeling negative. I write my feelings out through a poem or I sing. This calms me down.

2) Cut off from negative people: It is highly probable that you are feeling negative because of a certain person. If not then the presence of a person who’s toxic to you can exacerbate those emotions further. It is not a permanent solution as it’s not possible to entirely expunge every negative person in your life, but it can help you cope with a sudden feeling of anxiousness. 

3) Don’t pay heed to everyone:  If you start paying heed to everyone’s opinion then you are most likely to disappoint yourself. This disappointment can lead to negativity. Only Your opinions should carry some weight in your life and of the ones who care for you. But it should always be you before anyone else. Close your ears to hate remarks by others. They are non- entity in your life.

4) Talk it out: Speak up! I always say that. Talking about that negativity in your mind to your dear ones can help you get rid of that weight off your chest. If not help from them, Just blabbering out your emotions will make you feel better.

5) Relax! then resolve the issue: If there is something which is pestering you, don’t take any decision regarding that issue with a muddled mind. Always calm yourself first then try to resolve the issue. If you take any decision with a disturbed mind, you are most likely to aggravate the problem. A peaceful mind leads to better decisions. 

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Mental health: Speak up! I spoke up…My story

Mental issues are very common nowadays, but what’s uncommon is to speak about it. Mental issues are something that still compels us to lower our voices. Everyone preaches to speak up, but they shut their ears when it’s their turn to listen. I am entirely aware of the reason that hinders you to be vocal about your mental health. The stigma attached to it and the judgment of our society impedes you to speak up candidly about your deprecating mental health. I always say it and I can reiterate it for another million times if I have to,” please SPEAK UP”. Your battle is half won if you open up about it. Keeping mum will do no good to you, ultimately you will succumb to your mental pain one day. 

Speaking up can heal you in many ways:

1) It will give you the strength to not give up

2) You will no more be alone, your dear ones will always be with you 

3) It provides you the strength to analyze your situation and take better decisions (I can tell you by my experience)

4) Trust me, you won’t feel like an outcast

5) No baggage, no stress

6) You will feel light

7) It won’t let you pile up unnecessary thoughts further

8) You will be a little more peaceful

9) One more step ahead in the direction of positivity

10) It will lessen your anxiety

Now, I would like to narrate you a very small part of my speaking up story. So it goes like this…

 Story: 

New city, new college, and new people. It exacerbated my anxiety issues. I had shifted to Mumbai away from my family for completing my MBA. For the very first time, I was away from my family, which added to my troubles. I was already suffering and this change worsened it. I chose to spoke up to comrades in college, I had to hear comments like:

  • She does drama
  • She is active on social media, how can she be sad
  • I have seen her laughing, she doesn’t seem sad
  • She is crying to seek attention
  • PEOPLE WHO SUFFER DON’T SPEAK ABOUT IT ( This epitomizes the prevalence of mental diseases as taboo in our society)
  • Mocked about my shivering while presentations

 But, the coin has the other side too, so does my story.  

There were these judgemental voices, then there were 4-5 people who understood me. They heard me. No one mattered apart from these caring people who were sensitive enough to understand me. They were with me like my buttress. Now I am in a better position, they still keep a check if I am okay.

“No voices matter apart from the ones listening to yours”

-Abhya

Things to remember:

After all the judgemental comments, I still chose to speak up. I didn’t give up until I was heard. You should do it too. You should fight for your life, it is precious. Anything which meddles with your mental peace doesn’t matter.

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Mental Health: Listen to them, they need to be heard

In our society mental health is still a taboo even after all the education we have. People fail to understand the significance of the word “illness” in “Mental illness”. It is an illness that is nothing to be ashamed of. It can happen to an eclectic range of people from the one earning in millions to a destitute, a family person to a loner, a teenager to an elderly-basically anyone. Mental illness is not someone’s choice, it can inflict someone due to any reason. Conversely, you can be instrumental in saving someone from the hands of mental illness just by being a bit more sensitive towards everyone. The thing which should be conversed about aloud is still talked about in whispers.

 Whenever we talk about any mental issue, the first suggestion we give to everyone is to ”SPEAK UP”. I am entirely supportive of this idea. In fact, I try to impart this idea of speaking up in others whenever I am discussing this issue. But the problem arises when people are too scared as they have a fear of being judged or not being heard. Are their fears true? Yes! They are cent percent true. The truth is when they speak up they are silenced by being judged or being mocked. They are made a topic of gossip to satiate your boredom. That adds up to their already traumatic condition. The thing is that when we wisely give them this suggestion to “SPEAK UP”, we miss out on giving a crucial suggestion to ourselves that is “TO LISTEN”.

 “When you ask them to speak up, learn to listen to them too”

-abhya

I would like to throw some light on the traits of a good listener or the way we should treat someone who is suffering from mental issues:

  • Don’t judge them
  • Be sensitive
  • Pay heed to their words
  • Don’t take it lightly
  • Be patient
  • Don’t compare them with others
  • Don’t make it a topic of gossip
  • Try to help them

We need to expunge that fear of being judged in them by bringing a change in ourselves. Provide them that judgement free atmosphere and comfort to speak up. You can unshackle them from the clutches of their fear which is hindering them to speak up. This small change can have an enormous impact on our world. Just them speaking up is not sufficient, our society needs to change too. An amalgam of a non-judgmental attitude, sensitivity, and love can work as an elixir. We can make it a better place for them by being a good listener. I would like to aver that please ” SPEAK UP” and please “LISTEN”. Doing this can save you or someone’s life. Don’t be afraid of speaking up. Moreover, you can make someone’s life just by listening to them.

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Depression: It’s real, we need to acknowledge it

Yes! It’s real. Depression is real. Yes! It exists. We need to acknowledge it like any other illness. The difference is that it is about your mind. If not dealt with properly, it can kill you in all the possible ways. Not only it can be fatal at its extreme but also it can make your life’s path a tortuous one. It can hide your true self behind the dark layer. It can steal away all the brightness that resides in you and replace it with immense darkness. It can lead you to torment. It kills you a little more every day. It can muddle up your peace. It is something that worsens with every tick of the clock. You won’t realize when that one dark layer has multiplied into a plethora of them burying you even deeper into that darkness. Understand before it’s too late.

I am not saying this to scare you, just to make you aware of the gravity of this situation. Often we ignore our mental issues considering it to be a minor one or we are not aware about our condition ourselves. Moreover, we tend to hide it as we want to dodge the judgemental stares of our society. Depression is a mental illness just like any other disease such as cold. It is normal, there is nothing to be ashamed of. It can happen to anyone. You need to understand that, you are not alone in this. If a particular set of people has hurt you in anyway, some people genuinely care about you. Choose to listen to the ones who care, others don’t even deserve a thought.

“See the ones who care, unsee the ones who don’t”  

What needs to be done? If you are the ones suffering from depression, open up to your closed ones. If a person doesn’t understand you, try another. Someone will understand you. Don’t give up.As soon as you realise that you are suffering, seek professional help. There are counsellors and psychiatrist who can help you. You will be out of its clutches soon, if you try. Also, if not you, if anyone else is going through this mental illness. I implore you to help them. Talk to them, save them.

In our society, mental illness or depression is treated in two extreme ways either it is not acknowledged at all or it is treated as a taboo. I plead you to not ignore it saying 

  • You are just sad, you will be fine.
  • You are just too sensitive
  • Don’t be dramatic
  • Don’t be a cry baby, it is such a small thing

Instead, listen to them patiently without judging them. Be with them as their buttress. You can heal them just by hearing them out. If you don’t understand depression then the least you can do is to be kind. Your kindness can prevent them from being pushed into depression. Your words carry a lot of weight, think before you speak. Your actions can have a great impact on someone, please be kind in your deeds. Kindness is easy, try it.

“Be kind”

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BODY SHAMING: I have my own shape

I have my own shape , I have my own body, I am in love with my shape, I refuse to alter it in accordance to your vision, It is beautiful the way it is, I refuse to change it according to your will, It is flawless the way it is, I refuse to inflate or deflate it according to your wish because it will always be in accordance to my wish. The flaws on my body make me unique and I refuse to be the part of that herd. I want to stand out with my unique, flawless shape. I love my shape. I have my own shape. – Abhya Pandey

Are you confused? Don’t worry, I won’t keep you baffled. Today I am going to discuss about “Body- shaming”. Though body- shaming is a bigger umbrella comprising of many factors, today I am going to talk about weight precisely. It is something which almost everyone has experienced at some point of their life or are presently going through it. There is going to be a part-2 of this topic where I will discuss about my story of body shaming in detail.

What is body shaming ?

Body shaming is demeaning someone on the basis of their physical appearance or body. When your body is a subject of scrutiny and hence, people end up passing degrading remarks about it, it is body shaming. Mocking someone brutally about their weight, passing out comments like: “too thin”, too fat”,” you look like a skeleton”, “you look like a hippo “, commenting about their dressing habits like: “she is brave to wear such kind of a dress with this body”, “she looks like a hanger in that dress”, passing subtle remarks about their eating habits like: “you should eat more”, “you should control your food intake” e.t.c everything falls under body shaming. It is not only restricted to a episode of conscious mockery of someone’s body but also to an innocuous ( NOT SO innocuous) banter. Willingly or unwillingly passing any sort of degrading comment about someone’s body or doing any gesture relating to that is also a part of this act. Yes! it is not only restricted to just verbal remarks but also your action. Making a grimace out of disgust, boycotting someone socially due to their body , always carrying that air of superiority over the other person who doesn’t have that so called perfect body in your eyes epitomises the non-verbal part of body-shaming. Succinctly speaking, throwing shade on someone consciously or unconsciously in any way through your actions due to their body is body-shaming.

What people do?

Unfortunately, there is a set standard in this milieu for how a person’s body should look and it looks like that every single person has etched it in their mind. It seems like they have a hard time letting go of this so- called norm. Apparently, everyone expects you to strictly abide by this standard otherwise, they are bound to treat you as an outcast. In our society having a petite frame in a girls case and an attractive athletic or muscular body in a guys case is a standard. It is a green signal for you to peacefully exist in this society without any bullying. Moreover, they want you to be THIN but not TOO THIN, they want you have those SENSUOUS CURVES but not be TOO THICK to fall in the category of being FAT. It’s hilarious that the standards keep on changing with time. At times having a zero figure is in vogue at some other time being curvy, athletic, muscular e.t.c is. But one thing has been constant, body shaming. People have never failed to ridicule a person who doesn’t fit in this set standard of so-called perfect body. Body shaming is something which is not restrained to just a particular age. Sadly, every age group whether a kid or teenager or and adult can be predator or victim of this body shaming. The truth is that small kids don’t want to keep an obese kid in their team while playing, people hesitate in dating an obese or an underweight person, teenagers bully their fellow obese or underweight classmates, even while marrying a groom or bride is expected to be of certain weight e.t.c. These things are just because of meaningless norm of a so called flawless body. People fail to see someone beyond their body, people fail to see someone actually, they just see their body.

How we respond to it?

On the other hand, talking about victims. They have a hard time dealing with this. Some of them are strong enough to deal with this bravely while some of them find it difficult to release themselves from this societal burden. Many people get trapped in the clutches of body shaming and end up further damaging themselves. There are a plethora of consequences of body-shaming. Few of them are:

  1. People start self-loathing. They don’t want to look in the mirror.
  2. They suffer from anxiety or depression. Sometimes it can be life long.
  3. They abstain from dressing up, clicking pictures, going to gatherings, making friends.
  4. They have that constant inferiority complex with them like a shadow.
  5. They force themselves(not for their health but because of this constant mockery) to loose or gain certain weight.
  6. They force themselves to follow unhealthy diets or sometimes end up suffering from ” Eating disorder”.

What people should do?

This is a vicious cycle. Once a victim can be a predator other day. A person who has suffered himself /herself from this will not fail to expect others to abide by this rule. We should understand every body type is unique and unburden ourselves and others from this pressure of fitting into that frame. If we spread this message of body positively and normalise every body type, there will be lesser amount of instances of body shaming. If people start to understand that every body type is beautiful then why will they judge others. The truth is predators also have this burden to have that “attractive body” before they bully others. So, if we promote body positivity then the burden will fall off from both the predators and victims side. Also, we never know how badly a person is affected by our gestures. We might end up ruining someone’s life by this meaningless fat shaming. We should spread positivity instead of any hate. Please, understand that a person is not limited only to their body. Start looking beyond it. It is more meaningful.

What the victims should actually do?

Firstly, we should understand the motive of the person throwing shade at us. It is never good. If your well wishers are speaking about your weight they won’t demean you it will be because of your health. leave everyone, it’s your own body so, the decision should be yours. You should learn to love your body, it’s unique. Don’t follow this flock mentality it’s worthless. Abstain from paying heed to any person demeaning your body. Change if you want to change, dress up the way you like, eat what you want to it, It is your body. Don’t change because of this societal pressure if you want to change do it only if you really want to or for your well-being. Don’t allow anyone to hamper your mental peace. Don’t retain their meaningless words. You are beyond your body. Life is more than being flawless, it is about embracing your flaws. Love yourself, love your shape.

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Things to do to make this quarantine period better

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                    Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Things to do to make this quarantine better:

Life comprises of ebb and flow but it shall go on. Whenever there is a wave of darkness, we need to surf through it rather than letting it drown us. As we all are aware of this corona situation, it has taken a toll on everyone’s well being. We all are quarantined during these times to further prevent it from spreading. And it is on the verge to expunge all the sanity we have. So, to keep our sanity sound, there are few things that we can do to make this quarantine period better. They are:

1)Take care of your Mental Health:

Normally the most neglected part, but the most important one. The gravity of this situation has shook everyone mentally. To add to this, we all are sitting at home idly absorbing all the negativity. To avoid this all the negative dose firstly, you need to refrain from all the sources of negativity like: negative news(general knowledge about the situation is fine but focusing on every random news is detrimental to your peace, pessimistic people( if possible try ameliorating there state of mind). Stop overthinking, it will bring that thunderstorm of thoughts in your mind. Try to keep yourself busy and be productive, don’t just idly. Also, you can also try meditation it can prove to be an elixir in the situation of mental distress. In fact, in general you should include it in your normal schedule. It will definitely bring back that peace, help you get rid of all the negative thoughts and declutter your mind.

2) Keep yourself engaged:

As discussed above, the most affected thing during this period is our mental peace. Firstly, it is due to this debacle. Secondly, corroborating to this is our life being completely paused. We are sitting at home and embraced by total boredom. Passing seconds has become a task for us. One answer to this is keep your self busy with something or other. There are people who have their work from home schedule and students are busy with their online classes but most of the people are sitting at home idle. Also with the people in the former category it’s not the same as usual. So, to kill this boredom we can do productive things like pursuing our hobbies like: cooking, singing e.t.c. Learning never goes in vain, we have a plethora of online classes going on, we can learn a new skill.Doing this will not only make this quarantine period better but also add to your persona. It will help you utilise this time rather than killing it. Lastly, keeping yourself entertained by reading a good book and watching shows and movies is always an option.

3) Exercise:

It will not only keep you healthy physically but also mentally, which is very important during these times. Exercising releases happy hormones and it is the biggest stress buster. Exercising regularly is advised normally. Many people nowadays are aware and they do it on a regular basis. But, during this lockdown gyms are shut. But you shouldn’t leave exercising, you can always workout at home. Don’t leave it. You can also innovate fun ways of exercising at home.

4) Socialise(virtually) during social distancing:

Yes, socialise during social distancing. Due to our fast paced life, we ought to unknowingly leave behind our real relations. We might be just meeting once a week just for partying and not having that real talk. Most of us are separated from our close ones due to our work or studies. In my opinion it has become very shallow. So, make full use of this opportunity to socialise. Use this time to call, video call regularly your relatives, friends e.t.c. In this way you can make use of your time as well bolster your bond with closed ones. Talk to them and exchange positive thoughts.

5)Relax, have faith:

Most importantly, just relax. Don’t stress yourself. It will all be over soon. I am not asking you to stress yourself with all the productivity. It is a great time to just a take deep breathe and rest. It is a great time to take a break from your usual daily stress. Treat it as a time that you have got to relax. So, apart from being productive, you need to relax too. It’s a time that you can use to spend with yourself. Have faith, it will be over soon.

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Do you dress to impress?

Do you look for validation from others for every little thing in your life? Do you seek for compliments from others to believe in yourself? and let me guess! Do you dress to impress? Puzzled? It means that till now you have seen yourself through others eyes. The bad news is that you don’t know who you are. Having a support system is not bad neither having someone to bolster you is bad. In fact it’s great and you are blessed if you have someone who will act as a buttress in your growth. Always keep such people near who give you your dose of positivity. But, here the question is about being in complete oblivion of yourself and having that constant need of relying on someone or other to know about yourself. It’s ironic but it’s the truth. I know a even a teeny tiny dose of positive words or compliments work as an elixir if you are low. But, why to be low? why can’t you be that confident about yourself that you never ever dare to be dubious about yourself.

The good news is that you can always mend your ways. The moment you decide you want to change for good, you will work wonders. Just give a pause to your life. Go in front of a mirror and stare yourself properly with your whole heart. It sounds silly but that is what you need to do. Now, choose a quite corner of your house and seclude yourself from all the worldly thoughts. Introspect about your strengths, weaknesses, your wins, failures and everything little thing about yourself. Have a date with your soul, for a change. The thing is that if you are unaware of your own capabilities then how will you make use of them in your favour. If you don’t know about your weaknesses then how will you fix it. This oblivion can lead to damnation and stagnate your growth. If this the case then you will always need someone in your life to validate your qualities, to validate your existence. If you are aware of yourself then you don’t need anyone else to make you feel good. Compliments are good, they give you that positive feeling about yourself but keep it aside. Learn to keep it behind, don’t carry them with yourself. Otherwise, you will be lost in them. Just realise it whenever you are right or wrong. Have that confidence in your self. If you are not positive about your own qualities how will you succeed. If you are confident enough and well aware about yourself, no one can push you down.

Now I want to narrate two stories from my life to further elucidate my point. There was a time in my life when my growth was totally stagnated. My mind was totally clogged with the thoughts which were very detrimental. It was on a total stand-still and I had lost faith in myself. The story goes like this:

Story no.1: It always used to happen that whenever I used to get ready, I used to ask my mom if I was looking fine. Only when she used to okay my look then only I used to continue with it. One day I got ready for a party and went ahead to ask my mom about my look. She was busy on a phone call but I kept pestering her and was in no intention to leave till the time she gave remarks on my look. After a while, she said I was no looking good. I finally rushed to my room and started looking for other options even though I was getting late for the party. After few minutes my mom came in and said ” Are you serious? Don’t you have a mirror? Can’t you yourself see how good or bad you are looking? If you yourself don’t know about how good you are, how will other people believe in your goodness? She said you should see the mirror and if the thing that you see is pleasing to you, you should go for that. Never mend yourself in accordance with anyone else’s sight. Do it for yourself. It was a very simple thing but taught me a great lesson.

Story no.2: Whenever I used to be low, I use to talk to one of my close friends. One day I was extremely low. So, I Called her and started complaining about how I Don’t feel good about myself. Then she started pointing out at my talents and I gave a very weird reaction to her words. I asked in surprise that if she truly meant it. She asked me how is it possible that I am so oblivious about my persona. She said that you are your best judge. From that day her words are etched in my mind.

Here, I did few changes in my attitude and my life completely changed for good. At last, just remember to give time to yourself, introspect, have faith in yourself and never rely on someone else’s validation, have confidence in your capabilities.

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All about corona (Covid-19)

what is novel corona virus?

Coronaviruses(CoV) are a huge family of viruses comprising of numerous viruses, which are responsible for ailments that are mild like common cold to more severe diseases such as Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS-CoV) and Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS-CoV). As a result of an outbreak which originated in Wuhan, Hubei, china, a new strain is discovered which is known as severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2).It is closely related to bat coronaviruses, pangolin coronaviruses and SARS-CoV. It is believed that the virus may have originated in horseshoe bats.The disease caused by it is coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19). Initial few cases came to the light in December, 2019. On 11th March 2020, it was declared a pandemic by World Health Organization (WHO) as it has already affected every continent with a plethora of cases except Antarctica and it’s increasing it’s spread with a rapid pace. It is known as novel corona virus as previously no such virus was discovered.

How it spreads?

It is known to be highly contagious. Coronaviruses are known to be zoonotic which means that they are transmitted between animals and people.  “Detailed investigations found that SARS-CoV was transmitted from civet cats to humans and MERS-CoV from dromedary camels to humans. Several known coronaviruses are circulating in animals that have not yet infected humans “as said by WHO.

It spreads in various ways:

1.Through respiratory droplets between two people if a sick person coughs or sneezes.

2.If a person touches a contaminated surface then touches his face basically eyes, nose and mouth. A singular study of how long SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19) remains infectious on various surfaces, “show that when the virus is carried by the droplets released when someone coughs or sneezes, it remains viable, or able to still infect people, in aerosols for at least three hours.”If a person is in close proximity( less than about 6 feet) with a sick person or touches him/her even through a hand shake.

3.By touching or using stuff like towels e.t.c of an already sick person.

4.It is considered most contagious after the person is symptomatic but it is possible that he might get contaminated even if the symptoms have not appeared.

It is more likely to affect:

1)A person with weak immunity rather than someone with a strong immune system.

2) An old-aged person rather than a young person.Most of those who died were elderly—about 80% of deaths were in those over 60.

3)People with pre-existing conditions like diabetes, cancer, cardiovascular diseases e.t.c.Most of those who died ,75% had pre-existing health conditions including cardiovascular diseases and diabetes.

The incubation period of the disease is around 5 to 14 days. Mild symptoms might occur after around 2-5 days of being contaminated.

Death:

The mortality rate is estimated to be around 1.4 percent and for people older than 60 it is around 2.6 percent. Among those who died from the disease, the time from development of symptoms to death was between six and 41 days, with a median of 14 days. As of 21 March 2020, more than 11,400 deaths have been attributed to COVID-19.

present statistics (source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2019–20_coronavirus_pandemic)

Symptoms:

symptoms of this pandemic include:

1)fever

2)shortness of breath.

3)cough

4)chills

5)sore throat

6)body ache

7) tiredness

8) might be runny nose

It can lead to:

1)Pneumonia in both lungs

2)Organ failure in several organs

3)Death

(source:https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/symptoms-causes/syc-20479963)


(source of both the image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Symptoms_of_coronavirus_disease_2019_2.0.svg)

The symptoms are mostly like normal influenza(influenza A and influenza B).

Treatment:

Till now there is no vaccine or anti-viral available for the pandemic. FDA has approved remdesivir for compassionate use.

Prevention:

few of the preventive measures that can be taken are:

  1. Abstain from touching your face frequently, especially with dirty hands.
  2. Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds frequently, or use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol.
  3. while coughing or sneezing cover your mouth or use a tissue then discard the tissue and wash your hands. You can use the sleeves of your shirt to sneeze in.
  4. use disinfectants or clean the surfaces like: your phone e.t.c that you touch on daily basis.
  5. refrain from sharing dishes, glasses, bedding and other household items if you’re sick or with the sick person.
  6. Don’t be in close proximity with the sick or has symptoms, maintain a distance of atlas around 6 feet.
  7. avoid using public transportation is such grave situation, use your own vehicle instead.
  8. Do work from home. Take leave from schools and colleges.
  9. Avoid travelling especially abroad or any area which is already affected.
  10. If returning from journey especially abroad, Self-quarantine yourself for at least 14 days and get tested for the same if symptoms occur during this period. If possible family members of the person should also practice self-quarantine. Rules are already made for the same by different nations.
  11. Social isolation: In present situation where the spread of this virus is increasing it’s pace, one should avoid any public gathering, mass events. One should abstain to go to places like cinemas, restaurants, cafes, parties, concerts e.t.c. Basically, any place where there is a chance of contact with numerous people should be avoided to visit. As the situation is exacerbating, one should even not entertain any guests at home. Go only in case of emergencies.
  12. Quarantine: It is complete isolation of yourself from the world i.e not leaving your house or coming in touch with anyone.
  13. Exercise, eat food that will boost your immunity. You can eat citrus fruits also you can consume vitamin C supplements.

Actions taken by various nations:

read the link below for a better insight:

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/02/coronavirus-spread-virus-disease-countries-epidemic/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_coronavirus_pandemic_in_India

(Source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_coronavirus_pandemic_in_India)

Janta Curfew in India:

  1. To restraint corona virus, PM Narendra Modi asked to observe “Janta Curfew” on 22nd march from 7 am to 9 pm where no one should step outside there house barring essential services. It will be in place for 14 hours, the intention is to break the chain of this spread.
  2. Markets, malls and shops are likely to be closed. Only medical stores and shops that ell essential goods will be open.
  3. Metros in various cities will be closed. No announcement is made regarding bus services.
  4. Visitors will not be allowed to visit their jail inmates.
  5. No passenger train will work from midnight to 10 pm on Sunday.
  6. Low fare carriers IndiGo and GoAir will together cancel close to 1,000 domestic flights , both said without giving any assurance of a refund to affected passengers.
  7. “I want that on March 22, we express our gratitude to them. At 5 pm on Sunday, we should stand on doors, balconies, windows of our homes and express our gratitude for five minutes,” PM Modi said, adding that people can do so by clapping or ringing bells. 

So, it is our duty to observe this practice of social distancing which is highly required in this situation of fiasco. please make sure that everyone around you is aware of janta curfew and urge everyone to follow it. Let’s together make it a success. let’s fight corona together.

I would like to share my experience. So, I have a younger brother studying in Purdue University, USA. Due to the lockdown in the area around his university, students were asked to vacate hostels. So, in this situation of crisis he has to return back to India( please avoid travelling if it’s not an emergency). He will be landing to Mumbai on 22nd march. According to the precautionary measures taken by Indian government he has to be self- quarantined for 14 days. He will follow it and everyone in our house will also follow self-quarantine practice along with him. My point is please abide by all the rules and don’t take this grave situation lightly. There is no harm in being at home for few days. If you say that boredom is gripping you then you can convert it into something productive or may be take a break from your hectic lifestyle and relax. I again urge you to take all the necessary precautions. Take care, stay safe. We can do it.

Important numbers and links:

  1. Watsapp number of WHO for genuine information:+41798931892. just say “Hi” on this number then you will be given various options.

2. corona helpline number in India:+91-11-23978046

Toll Free No: 1075

3. Corona helpline email in India: ncov2019@gov.in

4. corona virus situation tracking: https://infographics.channelnewsasia.com/covid-19/map.html

4. corona dashboard India of Ministry of health and family welfare: https://www.mohfw.gov.in

5. Corona dashboard world: https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019

Sources:

1.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2019–20_coronavirus_pandemic#Spain

2.https://www.who.int/health-topics/coronavirus

3.https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/expert-answers/novel-coronavirus/faq-20478727

4.https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/janta-curfew-heres-what-will-be-shut-on-22nd-march/a-request-for-janta-curfew/slideshow/74745622.cms

5.https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/what-is-janta-curfew-and-how-it-will-be-implemented/story-YI9fiXNtPpNpzoaXOAELhM.html

#corona #coronavirus #covid19 #jantacurfew #isupportjantacurfew #gocorona #selfisolation

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Happy women’s day or Human’s day!

HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY!

Really? Just a DAY! Why not the entire 365 days of a year in the name of celebrating womanhood? The one thing that pinches me the most is, why should we even need a separate day to honor women when every day can be a women’s day. It is all about the perspective. A single day celebration feels more like a pity acknowledgment that “women” also exist. Why should it be the case when we are an equally integral part of this amalgam, without us the men are like land without water. If men are the day then we are the night, if we are the day then men are the night. We are totally equal and equally essential.

It irks to see that there should be any need at first place to designate a day for women for so-called upliftment of them. In many parts of our society, being a woman is considered to be inferior. There are atrocities cast upon them by their male counterparts, their own family members I.e father, brother e.t.c, even the women of their family. It’s sad but true, even a woman doesn’t lag behind in demeaning the other woman. There is a lengthy list of deeds of barbarity against women like rape, dowry harassment, mental and physical harassment, molestation, female foeticide, just to name a few. These are the ones out of a plethora of crimes, which are considered as a crime. There is yet a myriad of them that are not even acknowledged as cruelty. But why is it happening? Is it only about the men of society? A big fat NO!!!!!! It’s not about anyone else. It’s about us, WOMEN. No, one has any right to belittle our presence or consider us inferior. But for that, we should cherish our being. We should understand that it is a matter of prestige to be born as a woman. We are our own buttress. If we don’t allow anyone to penetrate the walls of our strength then no one will. So, Instead of teaching anyone else to respect us, we should respect our own presence. Once you ace the art of loving yourself, every day will be like a festival to you.

Ideally, there should be a men’s day too if women’s day. As we both are two different sides of the same coin. It should not be about any of them rather, it should be about celebrating humanity. It should be a celebration of respecting every sort of breathing beings, a fiesta of love, care, helping and empathy. A festival of every virtue that makes us a “human being”.

So! Let’s make it a “human’sday” rather than “women’s day”.

HAPPY HUMAN’s DAY! ❤️

Abhya Pandey

(Gleaming ink)

#happywomensday #happyhumansday #womensday #humansday#women #men #human #love

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Stars for your soul. 27

Stars for your soul.25

“Saying yes, to someone with half mind for something just to keep them happy is worse than saying no to them for the same thing. It’s okay to say no, if you don’t believe in something.”

– Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul. 24

“You have to get up on your own, when you fall. Don’t wait for someone to give you a hand. You have all the strength within you”

– Abhya Pandey

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3 things to do when you are losing your temperament

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                   Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Remember you are not alone!

-Abhya Pandey

3 things to do when you are losing your temperament:

1. Be calm:

Try to keep calm. Doing anything in anger might exacerbate the situation further. So, try to understand the situation with all your mind, then act accordingly. Anger is your biggest foe. The sooner you take the situation under control, the better it is. Not only it is bad for the person around you, also it is toxic for your both, mental and physical health. So, try getting rid of this anger as soon as it hits you. Just tame your mind to be calm in such situations.

2. Don’t blurt out anything in anger:

The worst thing you can do is yelling out of anger. It won’t help the situation in any way. It would worsen it. Blabbering anything harsh that strikes your mind when you are actually not in your senses, will ruin it further. So, refrain from speaking when in anger.

3. Divert your mind:

Divert your mind to something else for a while. once, you are calm then you can think about the whole situation. Instantly, when you get a fit of anger, do something to suppress it like: taking a deep breath, reverse counting, e.t.c. To completely subside it, once that initial hit of anger is gone, you can talk to someone who is close to you. Do something which will make you happy, relaxed like: any physical activity, your hobby like: singing, dancing, writing e.t.c. Any kind of situation can be handled best without anger.Take a deep breathe, let it got out of your body.

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Stars for your soul.23

“Change only if you want to change, change them if they want to change you. The ones who truly love you will stay even with your flaws.”

-Abhya

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letter from the fearless. 1

Today, when I woke up in the morning, it felt different to me. I could feel the light peeping through the window blurring my eyes. Everything seemed nebulous. The light which should have brought a ray of hope in me, was blinding me. Moreover, I felt too numb to get up, start this new day afresh. It seemed that all the power, Vigour got expunged from my body. What went wrong? was there something wrong with the sun light? Was my body too feeble to even get up?NO! It was just about my mind.

The path of our life cannot just be a plain road, it comprises of both peaks and valleys. It is upto us how lambently we travel through both the situations. There is one cliche saying, ” every day is a new day”, but it’s cent percent true. Every other morning is a harbinger of new opportunities, it’s upto you to grab it in your fist. Just a little change in your perception, will work like an elixir. So, I will give you the answer to the mystery of what was so wrong about this morning. Well firstly, if i would have had a positive outlook, that gleam would have never been hurting me rather it would have been an epitome of new beginning. It would have been my guiding light. Moreover, no one is too feeble to get up again after any failure. We are made to survive this topsy turvy path of our life. Everyday is an opportunity to learn something. Today taught me few things which I would like to share:

1)Be positive! your mindset can create a huge difference.

2)You have to get up after you fall, it is never the end.

3)Leave the baggage of yesterday behind. Welcome the new morning with lots of energy.

4)You have it in you, you are strong to sail through the ebbs and flow of this wave.

All I would like to say is, stay positive. You are the strongest.

keep gleaming!

-The fearless (Abhya)

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Stars for your soul. 22

“Being in a relationship doesn’t mean to be tied to your partner every moment. It is meant for your happiness. It shouldn’t hamper your individual lives. If you start feeling suffocated in that bond, it is bound to choke you soon. Ultimately, the relationship chokes to death.”

-Abhya

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Stars for your soul .21

“Learn to listen to the complains others have from you, patiently. You never know how deeply your little actions must have affected that person. Just keep yourself in their place then think.”

-Abhya Pandey

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3 things to do when you are being anxious

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                   Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Remember you are not alone!

Abhya Pandey

3 things to do when you are being anxious

1.Focus:

This is the time when your mind becomes a mess. In this situation, plethora of things are running through your mind. There is a whirlpool of thoughts going on and overflow of emotions. Your mind starts running in every possible direction which creates a pressure on you. So, in this situation, you should try to direct you mind to one thing. The thing which is of prime importance at that time. Try to focus your mind, it will alleviate your situation.

2.Do something which calms your mind:

In this situation of distress, one thing that will work as an elixir is indulging yourself in some activity of leisure which soothes you. This will help you focus and keep you sane. For me music and writing are the things which soothes you. For someone it might be painting, some sport, exercising e.t.c.

3. Meditate:

It is more of a long term remedy, which will suppress your anxiety issues. It will relax your mind and help you focus. It works wonder for people in general to keep their mind healthy. Just give it a try. In start it will be difficult for you to focus but the key is to keep on trying.

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Stars for your soul.20

“The moment you step out and cherish the sunshine, that moment itself marks the beginning of your new life. It is never too late”

-Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.19

“Does the success of you reaching the destination matter or the thrill of the journey? Think!”

-Abhya Pandey

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Praising the dead

With the tears of grief in their eyes,

they say,

What a beauty she was,

with a heart of gold.

Looking at her inanimate pale corpse,

they shower the blooms of applauds on her.

Were they actually praising her?

or

her absence?

Isn’t it mind meddling that

she wasn’t praised for the breathing living being she was, but

for the cadaverous body she is now?

I wish they lauded her when the time was not frozen for her.

I wish they showered love on her, when she was moving.

I wish they empathised with her when she needed it the most.

What stopped them?

Is it their

ego,

jealousy,

false attitude

or selfishness?

Love them before it is too late.

Love the beings with the beating hearts not their dead bodies.

praise them for their being before time runs out.

Show them that you care before it is too late.

Don’t praise the dead, applaud the living being.

-Praising the dead

-Abhya Pandey

Confused??????? I know you are. So, let me untangle the knots in your brain. What I want to say through the poem above is that we should never hesitate or stop ourselves from praising others when they deserve or cheering them when they need it, spreading a pinch of love is innocuous. No need to hesitate in holding someones hand when they need it, nothing matters when the time is too late. We have often seen people glorifying dead people on their funeral apart from lamenting about the loss. Isn’t it hilarious? They are the same people who never even bothered to know about the well being of the person, when he was living. So, instead of showing love when someone is dead, give them the same love when they are alive. At least it will have some value. So, spread positivity in others life, even a pinch of love makes it big.

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Stars for your soul.18

“Keep soaring irrespective of the weather, the turbulence is just to add life to your journey” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.17

“Have faith in yourself, you will do it.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.16

“It is never the end, after every night there is a bright morning.” -Abhya Pandey

Stars for your soul.15

“Stay grounded, everything is temporary in this life.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.14

“Hatred leaves you nowhere, a little love can work wonders.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.13

“Never compare your life with others, everyone is different, so is their life.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.12

“Unfurl your wings, they are not meant to he tied.” -Abhya Pandey

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3 things to remember, “When you are feeling lonely”

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                   Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Remember you are not alone.

Thank you! Abhya Pandey

3 things to remember, “when you are feeling lonely”

1)Everyones life is different

Never do this grave mistake of comparing your life with others. Everyone is different, so is their life. It is a common thing that when we see others hanging out with a bunch of people, on the other hand we have less friends, we get that sad feeling of loneliness. We feel that our life is not happening. If you want to be happy, stop comparing.

2)You are your own happiness

Don’t try to find happiness in others, when you can be your own. One of the biggest reasons of being the victim of the feeling of being lonely is when we try to search for happiness in other people. But why do we need other people to be happy? Do we really need them? we make ourselves dependent on others, emotionally. We should just be dependent on ourselves, nothing else. Find happiness in yourself.

3)You are not alone

Feeling of loneliness is just an illusion. It usually happens due to various reasons e.t.c a special person leaves us, we have less friends, we are not able to fit into standards of society, we come across failure e.t.c. First of all, we are never actually alone, we have our family and our close friends. Having less friends may be just one friend is fine because quantity of friends never matter only quality matters. We should not distance ourselves from our family and friends, share your problems with them. Maybe you yourself is distancing yourself from them. Lastly, if no one, than you have yourself. Answers to all the questions are in you.

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Stars for your soul.11

“Listen to your heart, it never lies.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.10

“Don’t let your bad past ruin your present. It is a weapon to make your present beautiful” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.9

“Be deaf to the voices of this world, listen to the voice from within” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.8

“The things which are meant to stay, will stay irrespective of harsh situation.The things which are meant to leave, will leave even if you stop your beat for them” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.6

“Don’t judge anyone, you never know how hard it is to breathe in their skin” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.5

“stop looking for happiness outside, be your own happiness.” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.4

“Spread the words of positivity, your one positive word might save someones sinking ship” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul.3

“Words that you spit out in anger are like shards of broken glasses, cannot be mended” -Abhya Pandey

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Stars for your soul .1

“Whatever you say or the way you act matters. You never know how immensely, even your little action can affect someone. So, think before speaking or doing anything” -Abhya Pandey





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3 things to do, “ when you are being indecisive”

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                   Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.

I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.

So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Remember you are not alone.

Thank you!

Abhya Pandey

3 things to do, “When you are being indecisive”

 1)Stop Seeking for advices

Whenever we are not able to land to a conclusion or fail to take a definite decision in any condition, we often run for advices to others. We tend to ask every other person to counsel us regarding that particular matter. But more the advices, more the things get muddled up. More we try to imbibe words of other beings, more we tangle up the situation. So, in the situation of such sort, instead of listening to others, look inside yourself. You, yourself is capable of doing anything.

2)Don’t Panic             

 Panicking make things worse. This is something we must avoid at any cost because it takes our power of thinking sanely. In any disputable situation, we should keep calm. Otherwise, we will end up going berserk. To be true, we might end up taking wrong decision. So, shed off that extra tension, focus and keep calm.

3)Analyse

Be patient and try to interpret the situation properly on your own. Try to scrutinise every possible option, minutely. A proper analysis of the situation from tip to toe can help you land to a correct decision without much pain. So, always analyse any situation properly before jumping to any decision.

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3 things to do, “When you feel nothing is left in your life”

 

 

Hey gleamikins💫,                                                                                                                                   Often in our lives, We have situations where we need someone to speak to and help us. Even their presence is sufficient at times.  But, there are conditions, when we have no one around to provide us with that strength. However, everyone has their own style of dealing with such issues and tackle these times of solitude. For me personally, reading is a medicine. Whenever I have a certain problem with which I have to deal all by myself, I tend to read articles, blogs, where experiences of other people are shared. Trust me, it helps me to a great extent in taking a decision or forming an opinion in such situations of crisis.

I believe that life is a beautiful amalgamation of both bright days and dark nights. Each one of them adds to the thrills of our lives. So, instead of lamenting the darkness of nights, one should savour it and look at the charm of the enticing moon, which himself glows and becomes the guiding light for others in the darkness. So, BE A MOON, GLOW AND SPRINKLE YOUR LIGHT ON OTHERS.

So, this section of my blog, “3 THINGS TO DO”, is made to be the moon for the ones who are lost. I hope that I could be of some help to the ones who are in need in some way through this.

Remember you are not alone.

Thank you!

Abhya Pandey

3 things to do, “When you feel nothing is left in your life”

 1)Don’t Overthink.

Overthinking kills! It is toxic. There are times when we exacerbate a particular situation by thinking too much. And it won’t be a surprise if we have landed in that particular situation due to over stressing ourselves by thinking too much, in the first place. Often in our solitude we tend to think about our lives and in that process we end up trespassing the thin line between normal musing and overthinking. Mostly, whenever our life is not going the way we have desired, we get that feeling of void in our life. But we often forget about the things that we once desired for and now we possess it. We forget that there is a long way to go and we still have time to get what we desire. So, instead of overthinking, we must act and have faith.

2)look at the brighter side of your life.               

We have this common tendency of looking down instead of looking up. We have this tendency of cribbing by looking at the things which are absent on our life, instead of being happy for the blessings that we already have. So, to deal with emptiness of life, we should start thinking about the beautiful things we already have and others don’t. Thinking positive can make your life ecstatic.                    

3)Indulge in some activity which adds some value.

You know what, often when we complain about some kind of void in life, it is usually because we have made our lives boring. Our lives turn out to be dull when we are doing stuffs which are futile or things which doesn’t interest us. So, to add some life to our lives, we should start doing things, it might include any hobby like: singing e.t.c., which are interesting or add some value to our lives. Do Things which make our life worthy of being called a life.

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Flawlessly Flawed!

I am not the colour of my skin, I am the shimmer of my soul. I am not the size of my body, I am the Magnanimity of my heart. I am not about the beauty of my face, I am about the charm I have within. I am not about the way I look, I am about the way I behave with others. Outer beauty, a perfect body, they all are temporary. What stays is you, your soul. one should not just be beautiful, they should be “Beyond Beautiful”. Beyond beautiful is the one who is beautiful from within. You will cease to look the way you are the other moment. Inner beauty is timeless.

-Beyond Beautiful

-Abhya Pandey

Hey Beautiful! or Hey Ugly!, how should I address you? I sound like I am crazy, right? why would you want yourself to be called ugly? Wouldn’t it shoot your ego? But I have a question, does it really matter? Does it really matter the way we look or if we fit in the societal standards of being called ” beautiful”? The answer is “No”. what defines us is our character, the way we think, the way we are towards other people. The thing that matters is the beauty of our soul, not the skin. The things we should be actually concerned about is our inner make-up. But I feel sad to say, we are least bothered about it.

Beautiful word itself is flawed or rather we have narrowed its context. Beauty is always associated with aesthetic beauty, excluding any qualitative values. Each one of us have plethora of reasons to be called beautiful apart from our aesthetics, it might be due to our psyche, our overall persona, our qualities, skills, humility e.t.c. So, why restrict the beauty of this word, beautiful to just our looks?. On the other hand, we should not feel dejected if someone says you ugly because the way beautiful has a great depth to it, ugly too has a greater context. What would you prefer, an ugly soul with beautiful body? or an ugly(or rather unique) body with a beautiful soul?. For me the later one, wins. Also, beauty is subjective, what looks good to you might not be charming to others. So, why not stop thinking about superficial beauty? Inner charm is what makes you.Just think!

Nothing in this world is perfect or flawless. Every single being has some or the other flaws in them. Flaws make each one of us unique. It makes us stand apart from a chunk of people. Instead of lamenting about our shortcomings. We should cherish it. We should cherish each and every inch of our skin and even the smallest quality we have. We should love the way we are and should never feel low about ourselves. The biggest boon that we have is ourselves. So, love yourself, love your body, love your skin, love everything about you. Just be flawlessly flawed. Flaws are beautiful. They are you.

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Evanescent​

“I will be there forever.”

“our bond is forever”

“I love you till infinity”

E.T.C…………..

 

These simple sentences sway us to our fantasy world. Well, who doesn’t want their loved ones to be with them or the thing which they adore the most to be with them permanently?.  These sentences above betoken the presence of any person, bond or maybe anything in our life to be forever. They talk about infinities. But, do infinities exist? Is anything concretely permanent in real? NO! it is light years away from reality. Nothing stays. Nothing in this world is permanent. Variance is what this universe swears by. The biggest irony is, if there is anything which is ceaseless, it is the CHANGE. Everything is meant to vanish one day or modulate. The sun, the moon, stars, the ground we are standing on, our surroundings, the beings, the animals, every single thing is going to be lost in the dust one day. If this is how the things work, then how do we expect any person, emotion, bond or any relationship to exist till infinity?. Infinities, forever, never-ending, countless, endless, eternity e.t.c are the words which are huge but are illusory. They swindle us to believe that forever exists. They give us false hopes to believe in the concept of permanence. In the end, we fall prey to this and suffer.  If we are aware of the temporal nature of this universe, then why do we expect any bond to be permanent?

Even an eon has a full stop to it.

It happens because we get muddled between our desires and reality. It is because we crave for infinities but it is not meant to be. Because of which we develop huge expectations and end up wounding ourselves. It is easy for us to promise someone to be with them forever, but does that actually happen? It is like butter to say but like a rock to fulfill. So, eventually, we hurt them by giving hopes and not keeping up to it. On the other hand,  we lament if don’t have that person forever but the reality is that we always knew that everything is ephemeral in this world. For ex: in a relationship, promises are made, vows are taken, but the hilarious thing is that these so-called ‘forever bonds” break in a month or maybe few more. The resultant is that the one or the other person involved ends up getting hurt for a lifetime. We take these heavy words like forever, casually and utter it without any actual weight to it. It is in vogue to say things like these every other moment without meaning it. We do it being oblivious to the serious repercussions of it. In the process, we hurt the other person by entrancing them with false hopes and also it stabs us too at some point. So, why do we fall in the trap and cling to these “permanent people”, “endless bonds” or “timeless relations”, when we know the truth? What should we do?

the sun rises,

 the sun sets,

the moon comes out,

it iterates.

It is the day,

then the night,

then the day again,

it is never the same.

so,

the bonds form,

they break,

feelings change,

it is also never the same.

so,

leave this rope,

it will lacerate you,

let it go away,

it was never meant to stay.

We should not fall for these words. We should live in reality than being in an illusion. These deceptive emotions and promises trick us to believe in their permanence. We should realize and should not stick to a particular person or thing because doing so is not healthy for anyone involved. We should learn to let go of things, people e.t.c because it is meant to change in one or other way. Even if a bond remains, it is not the same always. Be strong enough to set your emotions free. what is meant to go, shall go rather than being trapped in our minds forever. Realize the evanescence of this life, live it to the fullest by being in present and ditching these infinities. Now, pat yourself you are on the right path of letting go things.

photo credits: Aakarshit Pandey
poem: Abhya, that’s me❤️

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Are you dependent??????

 

I don’t need you,

Yet I want you.

I crave for you.

Hey! Listen,

When you don’t listen to me,

I don’t feel whole.

I feel hollow, incomplete.

It feels like I have been cut into half.

I can feel my absence in me.

Like a fallen petal, separated from its flower, I am inanimate, lifeless, without you.

It’s hilarious,

Your absence is the harbinger of the void in me.

But the more and more I am with you,

I become feeble with every passing moment.

Can’t I be merry with myself?

Why do I want you for my happiness?

I know,

You make me weak.

I know,

You breathe in the vacuum inside me.

Then,

Why can’t I just be complete on my own?

Why do I want you to bolster me,

When I can be strong, bold and fierce without anyone?

No, I don’t need anyone for anything.

So,

Don’t be a moon,

Who is shining because of the light of the sun.

Be the sun itself,

Who dazzles without anyone’s help,

Who shines and shines,

Also sprinkles the light of life on others.

Reluctantly Dependent

-Abhya

Are you dependent on someone? Are you dependent on someone for your own happiness? Do you always want someone to make you feel complete? Do you entirely rely on someone for your mental peace? If your answer is yes, I know the majority of us fall in this category, then my questions to you are: Do you really need someone to be merry? Do you actually need a constant support system around you? Do you really need someone to hold your hand? No! Not really. Can’t you be your own pillar? Can’t you be your own savior? Can’t you be your own sunshine? Can’t you fill up your vacuum on your own? Yes! cent percent yes. You are enough. You are sufficient for yourself. You are enough for your own happiness, success. You are an entire package on your own. Instead of imbibing happiness from others, just peep into yourself, the being you will see is far more worthy to be with, to laugh with and to cherish forever. The being that you witness inside you is way more beautiful than any other creation in the whole world.

Life is an incredible labyrinth, comprising of tortuous roads to silky smooth sea and the truth is you have to handle all of it on your own. Whether your life comprises of chills, thrills, laughs, cries, horror, fun, pain or anything else, only you have to deal with it because yet another but the bitter truth is Nobody actually cares about your life. Nobody actually can feel what you can feel, irrespective of they being the closest to your heart. So, the thing is, what is the support system that we talk about? It is a MYTH. The people who are so-called there to be our buttress, tend to weaken us further. Once we are dependent on them for our harmony, we are at their mercy. It becomes brutal, as we progress. It worsens, as when they are there then the curve on our face switches up, else it drops down. So, why are we dependent on these temporary people at the cost of our strength? Why do we rely on them when we know the happiness we are getting through them is transitory?

The reason is we give up, we give up on ourselves. It is when we crave for other beings to complete us. As the eons escape we start living in oblivion, we entirely forget about the gifts that reside inside us. So, we must become oblivious to this oblivion and unwrap the gifts hiding in us. Kudos! Now you don’t want anyone else apart from yourself. The contentment that you will sense now will be endless, it is going to stay with you till infinity. The pleasure that you can get by tackling every trick of life on your own, by being your own bone is ceaseless. The trick is simple, look for happiness inside rather than outside. Be bold, strong, confident and full of faith, rest of the things will just be a game. Only you can change everything, none can do anything. So bring this positive change in yourself, other things will change automatically.

I would like to cite an example from my life, a conversation with my mom that got stuck to my mind. One day I was not in the best of my mind, I was feeling low, I was feeling lonely as if everything is worthless. My mom sensed the agony I was going through, so she interrogated me about the same. As soon as she asked me, I broke into tears and asked her that why am I so lonely, why I don’t have anyone with me. I further asked her, do I deserve to be lonely and don’t I deserve any happiness in my life. Meanwhile, she was just smiling at me, she had a kind of confused look on her face. She said, ” Is it really a problem? Because I don’t think it is a problem. Why do you want to have people around to make yourself feel worthy? She said true happiness lies in yourself, the happiness that you get from others is fleeting. If you really want to be Happy work towards your happiness, all by yourself. If you keep on doing it, you will soar high in the sky”. This simple conversation changed my mind and made me realize how wrong I was. It totally changed my mind.

I implore you, just gather all your strength and work for your permanent happiness, no one else can give you the same. Don’t fall in the trap of this ephemeral contentment that you get from others, it is entirely a huge hoax. Don’t let yourself be a creeper which is dependent on the tree to nourish it, be the tree. Just a little solitude, will set you free from lifetime loneliness, will provide you with boundless happiness. KUDOS! You have got a true friend, yes! That’s you. So, be your own kin, other things will fall in place. The tortuous paths will feel like silk if you have faith in yourself.

Photo credits: Aakarshit Pandey
Poem: Abhya Pandey, that’s me❤️