My new books: Da-Ight and The Fearless

Hello Gleamikins,

I am happy to announce that my two poetry books are out on amazon worldwide.

1) Da-Ight (paperback)


2) The Fearless (E-book, paperback)

You can get them through the link provided below.

Please check it out and share with your friends who like reading poetry.

Don’t forget to leave a review and rating as it will help me rank better and be more discoverable❤️

Link:

https://linktr.ee/Abhya

The link provided has links to all my books. Also you can check my books on amazon portal native to your country by simply putting my book’s names , if your country link is missing.

Special ongoing offers:

”The Fearless” is available at discounted price for only 50rs in India and if you are a kindle unlimited member then you can read it for free anywhere in this world.

About:

Da-Ight: Day and Night:

It is a collection of poems available worldwide on amazon in paperback format (156 pages). It talks about dark and bright phases of life. It exemplifies that life is a beautiful labyrinth of happy and sad moments. It is about different perceptions. It is about love and life. Da-Ight means, like after day it is night, in the same way, it is day after night. A bright shining sun is inevitable after a dark night.

This poetry book shows contrast through two different poems on a single matter in various ways. This book is written in such a way that poems on adjacent pages are connected in a certain way like; question and answer, two different perspectives, and dark and bright side of a same emotion or issue.

The fearless:

It is a collection of poems on love and life and it has two dedicated chapters respectively. It is 70 pages and is available worldwide on amazon in ebook and paperback formats.

Thank you friends🤗🤗

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My podcast “The Fearless” is now live on every platform.

Apple podcasts: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fearless/id1530456572

Spotify:

Hurt: Don’t fall back to someone who has hurt you

Are you someone who bounces back with the cracks in your heart to the person who gave you those? Does all your anger thaw when you hear a single sweet word from a person who shattered your heart? Do you become oblivious of the trauma and hurt you went through because of that person when you see them? Do you simply forget about every moment of derision when they pour in words dipped in honey? If this is the case, then you need to flip your condition. This attitude is extremely venomous for you. You won’t realize, but by doing so you are ill-treating yourself. In this way, you are depriving yourself of the respect and love you deserve. You need to bolster your self-respect and magnify the love you have for yourself. 

“Forgive them but don’t submit yourself to them”

-Abhya pandey

I know I have left in you in a maze of mind muddling thoughts, but this is simply about respect and love for yourself. Firstly, I want to elucidate that I am a firm believer in forgiving others. I strongly feel that one should never lag from forgiving people and we all are human beings. It’s a deed of magnanimity. I want to convey that forgive them if they are sorry for their faults and they own their mistakes but don’t surrender yourself to their words. Be cautious while stitching your relationship with them, it might prick you. The person who has hurt you once can hurt you twice. You need to take your steps at a gradual pace while believing them.

“Forgive but don’t forget”

-ABHYA PANDEY

We have a tendency that if a person says sorry to us, we forgive and forget what happened. It’s better if you expunge small issues from your mind but this doesn’t apply to the elephantine amount of pain given to you by someone. Our problem lies in showing cent percent trust to the person who has hurt us for a lifetime. If they genuinely feel guilty, pardon them but don’t surrender yourself to them killing your self-respect. Another aspect is that their genuine sounding sugary words might be an act of sycophancy, they might have some motive of returning. If this is the reason of them returning into your life then in no time you will sink deeper in this quagmire of shallow words and boundless hurt.

Why do we allow ourselves to be a slave of the person who turned our world upside down? 

  • At one point in time, we loved and trusted that person immensely
  • Probably now also there is some amount of love for them which resides in our heart
  • We are not able to cope up with the vacuum created by them and we feel that if we let them back we can fix it
  • When it comes to self-respect, it has been overshadowed by our affection for them
  • We don’t love ourselves enough
  • This dearth of self-love leads to the constant need of someone in our life

What should we do?

  • Forgive but be strong not to submit ourselves to someone who has hurt us
  • Love yourself and learn to be happy with yourself
  • Firstly learn to respect yourself then only expect others to respect you
  • Be careful while trusting someone who has hurt you in past
  • Be good to them but don’t get swayed with their words
  • Let them in but don’t let them take over your mind

So, learn to love yourself, then only you can handle other relations in the right way. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Forgive people but don’t let them control you in any way. Love yourself enough so that you don’t open the door of your life for the wrong beings.

To get your own WordPress website, click on the link below:

My podcast “The Fearless” is now live on every platform.

Apple podcasts: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fearless/id1530456572

Spotify:

How does a depressed person look like?

How is the face of a depressed person is? What sort of behavior a person who is going through depression portray? Who led them to be this way? What were there conditions that catalyzed them into being depressed? I know what most of you will answer. A major chunk of us has a set perception regarding the behavior and condition of a person who is depressed. We envisage them as someone with a constant frown, someone who has abandoned the worldly life. Well, the majority of us imagine a depressed person to be lamenting round the clock. We picture them to be the ones living in seclusion, cut off from the entire world. It’s our visualization that tells us that there must be something extremely negative in this person’s life or someone else must have wronged them which made them slip into depression. To be honest, your imaginations lied to you. Whatever you have thought is partially true.

“Depression has no face, a person with a mellifluous smile can be suffering from within”

-abhya pandey

 Being more precise, this commonly thought perception doesn’t apply to every depressed person. Depression is far more intricate than you can imagine. We often confuse “Depression” with “Sadness”. It is not merely sadness. It is a mental disease and it needs to be treated by a professional. Additionally, to help someone around, as I always say we can be kind, understanding, non-judgmental, and most importantly listen to them. Let me elucidate it to you the actual condition by underlining a few things about depression:

  • Depression is a disease which needs a proper treatment
  • It can inflict anyone around the universe
  • The one who is successful, rich, a person with an amazing family and friends has can be equally depressed as the one who is lonely and is not doing great in life
  • Nutritional and hormonal factors also contribute to depression
  • Not every depressed person sobs, a person with the perkiest persona might be depressed
  • A person who seems to have a perfect life and looks jovial can be depressed
  • A depressed person has no set characteristics, they might laugh, cry, smile, have friends, and perfect family, socialize, party, or be lonely

One of the most common comments that I heard whenever I tried to speak about any sort of mental issue in past is you are smiling, you don’t seem depressed. Which explains that we still have lots to understand about depression or any sort of mental issue. So, please understand that depression is a serious disease and you can help someone by merely being kind. Don’t judge them, let them speak. Also from now on if someone confides in you saying that they feel depressed, don’t assume that they are just sad or they have a perfect life so they can’t be depressed. Be kind, don’t judge them!

To get your own WordPress website, click on the link below:

My podcast “The Fearless” is now live on every platform.

Apple podcasts: 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fearless/id1530456572

Spotify:

Dating: Are you just after a trend or actually ready?

You must have read the topic, if the question above has somehow compelled your mind to think, then you are on the right page. This particular talk is for people in general who feel that there is a kind of vacuum in their life as they are not in a relationship or dating someone.I have observed a myriad of people around me and one thing that I have noticed is that there are plenty of them who feel incomplete without a partner and another chunk of people just want to date because they see other people dating and they feel that they are not advance enough.

Though there are a lot of other reasons too why people crave for a romantic partner. Some beings date for the right reasons and are actually ready for it. Which is a good thing to do as it is definitely one of the integral aspects of our lives. But today I am going to focus on two of the most unreasonable, reasons due to which lures us to come into a dating relationship.

Which are,

  • Firstly, we are so much after following this trend of dating. Given the competitive nature of this modern era, We don’t wanna lag behind others in this field too. You know, we feel if we are single, we are old fashioned or not trendy enough. We want to be in vogue. But is it the right approach? An elephantine no, one should date only if they are ready to. It has become easier to be in touch with people these days due to social media, dating apps, and the liberal nature of our society. This is a great thing, but we should leverage it by using these things wisely. Dating is not a trend to follow, you date someone for yourself. Never Date if you just want to do it for the sake of doing as it is a serious part of your life.

Story 1:

I remember once I was speaking to an acquaintance of mine and she was whining about being single. I asked her a simple question, why do you wanna date? After a few minutes of stuttering, she said, all my friends are committed and I feel so uncool and like an outcast. 

It is not only about her as she epitomizes the kind of thinking the majority of us have when it comes to dating.

  • Secondly, we want to fill some kind of vacuum in our life by being in a relationship. We might be successful in doing so. But is it the right approach, no, it’s toxic in the long term. We have to be emotionally independent because it is healthy for ourselves and also our potential partner. We shouldn’t be dependent on others to feel complete emotionally. We can contribute to a relationship healthily only if we feel content in ourselves.

” We are fully equipped in ourselves, we just choose to live in oblivion”

-ABHYA PANDEY

Story 2:

If I rewind a few months, I was lamenting in front of my mom about being single. After a few hours of deep conversation with her I realized, I was just feeling low and am not ready for it. After that, I started focusing on my self. Trust me I love spending time with myself and I feel whole in myself. I have landed to a realization that we all are self- sufficient, it’s just that we don’t explore our capabilities. If we choose to live in oblivion, a vacuum will definitely reside in us.

So date only if you are ready for it in every way. It shouldn’t be to compensate for other things in life. It should out of genuine fondness for the other person, mutual love, and care.

To get your own WordPress website, click on the link below:

My podcast “The Fearless” is now live on every platform.

Apple podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-fearless/id1530456572

Spotify:

Mismatch: Embrace your flaws, your true self

Why do we hesitate to wear a pair of heels with Pajamas? Have you ever fearlessly worn sneakers with your traditional attire? Do you still hesitate to go out in public without layers of makeup due to your insecurities? Are you scared to show off your cute tummy rolls? Can you walk boldly with a mismatch attire? Do you have a fear of unraveling the unfiltered version of yourself? Yes! most of the people have that inhibition to open the curtains to their true self because they want to fit into the societal standards. They tailor everything about themselves to garner the shallow praises of the world. Kudos! to them for successfully winning people’s fake applauds.

“It’s okay to wear a mismatch attire, but it’s not okay if your true self doesn’t match with what you portray yourself in front of the world”

– Abhya Pandey

My question is, why do we hesitate to show our raw faces to the world? The simple answer is our ceaseless desire to be desired. But, by hiding our true self, we lose ourselves. What actually matters is if we are happy by being the way we are. Nothing else matters, the world will have something to say irrespective of the situation. Be the way you want to be rather than following the rules made by someone. Pave your own way. Never be scared to show off your flaws to the world, make it your strength. Love your self, proudly flaunt your true self in front of everyone.

Remember few things forever:

  • Be comfortable in your own body, don’t follow a certain diet to lose a few pounds because you want people to appreciate you. Lose weight only if you feel so. Do it for yourself
  • No need to hide the scars and blemishes on your face by makeup. We all are human beings, it is natural
  • Don’t compare yourself with others, your personality is beautiful in its own ways
  • Craving for a certain body type? Why? Your body is beautiful the way it is
  • Never be insecure, you are the magician of your life. Turn your flaws into your strengths
  • Do deeds so that you can praise yourself from all your heart
  • Unleash yourself, fly without listening to the others
  • Love yourself

Don’t lose yourself, you are precious. Life is short, make every tick of the clock count by listening to your heart. Wear slippers with that beautiful evening dress if you love to. It is all about you.

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 https://wordpress.com/alp?aff=19445&aff=19445&cid=2038607

Depression: Are you actually there for them?

What do you do when you see someone suffering from depression? What’s your reaction when you see someone sad and lonely? Your instinctive words are “I am there for you”. You console them saying that they are not alone in this and that they have your back. But my point is do you really mean it? And what do you mean when you say you will be by their side? Have you actually tried to dive into the fathoms of their mind and understand their situation? No! In most of the cases, it is all superficial. You get touched by their condition momentarily and you don’t bother to decipher what’s actually behind that depressed soul.

“When you say you are there for them, mean it”

-abhya pandey

The truth is they need you beyond your words. They need to be understood. This depression is far more than sadness. It’s complex and needs to be dealt with intricacy. The ones suffering don’t need your shallow sweet words or a social media post citing how much you support this cause. So, when you see someone inflicted with depression, be with them. Firstly, be a good listener, listen to them over and over again because they need to be heard. It will help in emptying the baggage formed by their suppressed emotions. Don’t judge them, instead understand their condition. Talk positively to them and motivate them. To heal them entirely, you need to be present with your heart and soul with them.

If you actually want to help them, etch these things in your mind:

  • The people who are suffering need someone who can listen to their silence. Be their kin
  • Even if they look fine, they might not be okay. Check up on them
  • They might reiterate their same problem million times, listen to them patiently every single time
  • Motivate them to live life to the fullest
  • Make them realize their self-worth
  • Most importantly don’t judge them because you can never see the world through their eyes
  • Try to mend even the smallest thing in their life because little things matter
  • They have lost faith in everyone. Make them realize the goodness of people around by being good to them
  • Fill their life with positivity
  • It will take some time for them to be healed. Be patient with them
  • Never give up on them

Be with them all along. You are not a doctor but you are a human, you can save someone’s life.

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Things to remember to stay away from negativity

Negativity can be toxic. It is a feeling where everything seems negative or it is a negative outlook towards everything, even day feels like night. There can be a plethora of reasons for this persistent negativity. It can be attributed to a massive failure in your life to a small reason for discontent. Negativity can be due to anything depending on your state of mind. It hampers your peace in plenty of ways. Amassed negative thoughts can have varying effects right from momentary gloom to severe depression. It has the full capability to ruin your moment of happiness. If you are always negative, you won’t be able to rejoice your moment of celebration. It can hinder you to think sanely. To live in solace, one should avoid negativity.

” Just a single negative thought can kindle the fire which can burn your mind peace”

– Abhya pandey

There are few things which might help you ward off this negativity:

1) keep yourself busy: Keeping yourself engaged and doing something productive can work as a panacea in this case. Doing this will direct your mind towards the stuff you are doing from the negative thoughts. Rather, if you are busy doing something, work, or leisure activity, it’s less likely that negativity will grip you. I prefer indulging in things I love doing if I am feeling negative. I write my feelings out through a poem or I sing. This calms me down.

2) Cut off from negative people: It is highly probable that you are feeling negative because of a certain person. If not then the presence of a person who’s toxic to you can exacerbate those emotions further. It is not a permanent solution as it’s not possible to entirely expunge every negative person in your life, but it can help you cope with a sudden feeling of anxiousness. 

3) Don’t pay heed to everyone:  If you start paying heed to everyone’s opinion then you are most likely to disappoint yourself. This disappointment can lead to negativity. Only Your opinions should carry some weight in your life and of the ones who care for you. But it should always be you before anyone else. Close your ears to hate remarks by others. They are non- entity in your life.

4) Talk it out: Speak up! I always say that. Talking about that negativity in your mind to your dear ones can help you get rid of that weight off your chest. If not help from them, Just blabbering out your emotions will make you feel better.

5) Relax! then resolve the issue: If there is something which is pestering you, don’t take any decision regarding that issue with a muddled mind. Always calm yourself first then try to resolve the issue. If you take any decision with a disturbed mind, you are most likely to aggravate the problem. A peaceful mind leads to better decisions. 

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BODY SHAMING: I have my own shape

I have my own shape , I have my own body, I am in love with my shape, I refuse to alter it in accordance to your vision, It is beautiful the way it is, I refuse to change it according to your will, It is flawless the way it is, I refuse to inflate or deflate it according to your wish because it will always be in accordance to my wish. The flaws on my body make me unique and I refuse to be the part of that herd. I want to stand out with my unique, flawless shape. I love my shape. I have my own shape. – Abhya Pandey

Are you confused? Don’t worry, I won’t keep you baffled. Today I am going to discuss about “Body- shaming”. Though body- shaming is a bigger umbrella comprising of many factors, today I am going to talk about weight precisely. It is something which almost everyone has experienced at some point of their life or are presently going through it. There is going to be a part-2 of this topic where I will discuss about my story of body shaming in detail.

What is body shaming ?

Body shaming is demeaning someone on the basis of their physical appearance or body. When your body is a subject of scrutiny and hence, people end up passing degrading remarks about it, it is body shaming. Mocking someone brutally about their weight, passing out comments like: “too thin”, too fat”,” you look like a skeleton”, “you look like a hippo “, commenting about their dressing habits like: “she is brave to wear such kind of a dress with this body”, “she looks like a hanger in that dress”, passing subtle remarks about their eating habits like: “you should eat more”, “you should control your food intake” e.t.c everything falls under body shaming. It is not only restricted to a episode of conscious mockery of someone’s body but also to an innocuous ( NOT SO innocuous) banter. Willingly or unwillingly passing any sort of degrading comment about someone’s body or doing any gesture relating to that is also a part of this act. Yes! it is not only restricted to just verbal remarks but also your action. Making a grimace out of disgust, boycotting someone socially due to their body , always carrying that air of superiority over the other person who doesn’t have that so called perfect body in your eyes epitomises the non-verbal part of body-shaming. Succinctly speaking, throwing shade on someone consciously or unconsciously in any way through your actions due to their body is body-shaming.

What people do?

Unfortunately, there is a set standard in this milieu for how a person’s body should look and it looks like that every single person has etched it in their mind. It seems like they have a hard time letting go of this so- called norm. Apparently, everyone expects you to strictly abide by this standard otherwise, they are bound to treat you as an outcast. In our society having a petite frame in a girls case and an attractive athletic or muscular body in a guys case is a standard. It is a green signal for you to peacefully exist in this society without any bullying. Moreover, they want you to be THIN but not TOO THIN, they want you have those SENSUOUS CURVES but not be TOO THICK to fall in the category of being FAT. It’s hilarious that the standards keep on changing with time. At times having a zero figure is in vogue at some other time being curvy, athletic, muscular e.t.c is. But one thing has been constant, body shaming. People have never failed to ridicule a person who doesn’t fit in this set standard of so-called perfect body. Body shaming is something which is not restrained to just a particular age. Sadly, every age group whether a kid or teenager or and adult can be predator or victim of this body shaming. The truth is that small kids don’t want to keep an obese kid in their team while playing, people hesitate in dating an obese or an underweight person, teenagers bully their fellow obese or underweight classmates, even while marrying a groom or bride is expected to be of certain weight e.t.c. These things are just because of meaningless norm of a so called flawless body. People fail to see someone beyond their body, people fail to see someone actually, they just see their body.

How we respond to it?

On the other hand, talking about victims. They have a hard time dealing with this. Some of them are strong enough to deal with this bravely while some of them find it difficult to release themselves from this societal burden. Many people get trapped in the clutches of body shaming and end up further damaging themselves. There are a plethora of consequences of body-shaming. Few of them are:

  1. People start self-loathing. They don’t want to look in the mirror.
  2. They suffer from anxiety or depression. Sometimes it can be life long.
  3. They abstain from dressing up, clicking pictures, going to gatherings, making friends.
  4. They have that constant inferiority complex with them like a shadow.
  5. They force themselves(not for their health but because of this constant mockery) to loose or gain certain weight.
  6. They force themselves to follow unhealthy diets or sometimes end up suffering from ” Eating disorder”.

What people should do?

This is a vicious cycle. Once a victim can be a predator other day. A person who has suffered himself /herself from this will not fail to expect others to abide by this rule. We should understand every body type is unique and unburden ourselves and others from this pressure of fitting into that frame. If we spread this message of body positively and normalise every body type, there will be lesser amount of instances of body shaming. If people start to understand that every body type is beautiful then why will they judge others. The truth is predators also have this burden to have that “attractive body” before they bully others. So, if we promote body positivity then the burden will fall off from both the predators and victims side. Also, we never know how badly a person is affected by our gestures. We might end up ruining someone’s life by this meaningless fat shaming. We should spread positivity instead of any hate. Please, understand that a person is not limited only to their body. Start looking beyond it. It is more meaningful.

What the victims should actually do?

Firstly, we should understand the motive of the person throwing shade at us. It is never good. If your well wishers are speaking about your weight they won’t demean you it will be because of your health. leave everyone, it’s your own body so, the decision should be yours. You should learn to love your body, it’s unique. Don’t follow this flock mentality it’s worthless. Abstain from paying heed to any person demeaning your body. Change if you want to change, dress up the way you like, eat what you want to it, It is your body. Don’t change because of this societal pressure if you want to change do it only if you really want to or for your well-being. Don’t allow anyone to hamper your mental peace. Don’t retain their meaningless words. You are beyond your body. Life is more than being flawless, it is about embracing your flaws. Love yourself, love your shape.

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